I'm going to jail i love you
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
