i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
