I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
