apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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