True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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