I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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