I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
