I could have mohawked her pubes.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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