theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
