The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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