im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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