Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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