I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
