Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
