Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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