I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
