My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
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He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
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She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.