hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment