The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
