I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
