Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
