I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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