I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
