hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
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