Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
