I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
