Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
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The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
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If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
not ubering you a puppy
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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