She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
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Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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