So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
