I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
