The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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