I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
