We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
