Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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