Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Randomize
