i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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