The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
me + whiskey = a bad person
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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