yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Randomize
