You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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