I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
