OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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