Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
