I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
