i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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