I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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