You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
