i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i just google imaged poop.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Randomize
