I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Randomize
