hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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