like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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