Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I faked an abortion last night.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
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