Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Randomize
