You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
