I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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