I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
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