Four minutes until I can fart!
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Sext me about skeletons
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
