Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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