I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
