I met the friendliest cop last night
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
