she woke up with a sticky ear
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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