well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
