I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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