I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
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You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
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We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize