Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
