You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Randomize
