in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
