hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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