So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
