They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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