Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
