Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
