My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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