Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
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