Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
