i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
