The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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