How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
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