My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
