Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
