i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Come see our sink grown plant.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
