Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
so explain again why im purple
no
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
