i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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