OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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