i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
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At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
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My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.