guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
