I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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