Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
