it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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